


If Only You Knew

by Wizfiction64



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Like lots of it, M/M, Me dealing with Endgame, Peter Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Stephen is sad, Stephen needs a hug, Unrequited Love, everyone is sad, not a fix it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wizfiction64/pseuds/Wizfiction64
Summary: It had to be him. Not Rogers, not Thor, not Banner.Him.





	If Only You Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Endgame ripped my heart out and curb stomped it into oblivion. A lot of emotions happened all at once. This is me dealing with said emotions. This story was originally going to be a one shot, but is now instead a three parter. Enjoy the angst! :D (also I sort of bent the rules about the dusted just for the sake of the story, shh!)

Stephen was used to dying. He had experienced it far more than a normal human should, but then again he wasn’t exactly normal. 

However, this death was… different. As the last of him faded out of existence, he was met with black. He didn’t exist, but he did all the same. Or at least, his conscious did. He could still think. It felt as if one was thinking with their eyes closed, reflecting on the events of the day before bed. And so, that was what Stephen did. He reflected on his choice to save the universe, and the man who would be responsible for saving it.

Tony Stark. 

Oh, where to begin with Tony? Stephen may have met him only hours prior, but he felt he knew him for a lifetime. They had gotten off on the wrong foot at first, but after a mere ten minutes Stephen had felt more connected to the man than most people he knew on a personal level. As Stephen observed each timeline something new was revealed to him about what kind of man Tony Stark was. He was stubborn. Witty. Hardworking. Determined. Self sacrificial, a trait Stephen could identify with. He had gone through hell and back trying to redeem himself from past mistakes, and was still willing to do anything and everything to keep the world safe.

He was also extremely loving. The amount of love this man had for his friends and family was astounding. He would do anything for them, even if it meant ceasing to exist. And it was in that one successful timeline the very best of Tony shone through, even to the very end. 

Still, it wasn’t fair. Upon finding the correct timeline Stephen was in disbelief of the outcome. They had won, but at what cost? 

The cost was the loss of earth’s best defender and his final chance at happiness. He would get 5 years. 5 years to put the past behind him and start anew. To finally find peace, before it all came crashing down once more. 5 years may seem like a lot to some people, but in the grand scheme of things it was pityingly minuscule. Stephen has pushed on, desperately searching for a timeline that would allow peace for him among everyone else.

Unfortunately there was no such thing. No matter how hard he tried he found himself coming back to that one dreaded timeline. It logically seemed to make the most sense, Stephen couldn’t deny that, and it did offer some semblance of closure for the others.

But it had to be him. Not Rogers, not Thor, not Banner. 

Him. 

———————-

“Strange, you alright?”

Stephen jolted out of his meditative state, vision blurred and mind still spinning from sifting through countless timelines. He tumbled forward, desperately gasping for air, only to be caught by none other than the man in his visions. His grip was strong, yet gentle, and comfortingly cool thanks to metal of the Iron Man suit. 

“You’re back, you’re alright.” He said, voice calm.

“Hey, what was that?” The youngest of the group asked. Peter Parker, The Spider-Man. Although it would pain him to do so, Stephen couldn’t spare them the truth. Sugar coating things would get them nowhere. He glanced up at the orange sky, eyes wandering as he pieced together an explanation while trying to catch his breath.

“I went forward in time, to view alternate futures, to see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.” He said between gasps. 

“How many did you see?” Quill asked. 

“14,000,605.” Stephen replied, gaze still fixed to the heavens. 

“How many did we win?” Stephen finally looked down, eyes scanning the others before resting on the man in front of him. His beautiful whisky colored eyes observed him intently, patiently waiting for the answer. Stephen immediately felt like his heart had broken in two. He swallowed thickly before finally opening his mouth to speak.

“One.” 

———————-

 

Oh, how cruel the universe was. 

 

———————-

“Stop!” Stephen shouted. His gaze rose to meet that of the Mad Titan’s. He sighed deeply. 

“Spare his life, and I will give you the stone.” Both Thanos and Tony frowned in tandem, the former in confusion and the latter in disbelief. 

“No tricks?” Stephen slowly shook his head. Thanos then turned and warily pointed the gauntlet at Stephen. 

“Don’t…” Tony choked out in protest. Stephen then reached up and plucked the stone from thin air before sending it Thanos’ way. He intently watched him as he placed the stone into the gauntlet, all the while envisioning his future demise. It filled him with a mix of sadness and triumph to know that he would eventually die, but at the cost of Tony loosing his life as well. It made his guilt increase 10 fold, as from Tony’s perspective it probably looked like he had just given up entirely, even though that was far from the truth. Thanos was admiring the newest addition to his deadly collection as Quill decided to fly in and make a last minute effort to try and slay the Titan, but to no avail. He simply portaled himself away, no doubt going back to earth to retrieve the mind stone. Quill clumsily tumbled face first into the dirt before jumping back up and retracting his helmet.

“Did we just... loose?” He looked a beaten puppy and sounded like a lost child. Stephen turned to look at Tony who was a few feet away, using his nanobots to temporarily heal his wounds. Once he finished he looked back at Stephen, a hurt look gracing his tired face. Stephen had expected him to be mad, perhaps even furious at him for his decision, but all he could see was disappointment, which was infinitely worse. 

“Why would you do that?” He pleaded. Stephen stared at him for a moment. He desperately wanted to tell him why. Wanted to tell him he was sorry. But he couldn’t. The plan wouldn’t work otherwise. He had to play by destiny’s rules, no matter how unfair they might be. 

“We’re in the endgame, now.”

———————-

 

How cruel, indeed.

 

———————-

 

The endgame. Stephen found it a fitting name for the final stage of his plan. It was like chess, really. Simply having to think ahead to make sure all of the pieces would do their respective jobs. To make sacrifices if needed. All for victory. For the greater good. Even if the greater good had a chance of completely destroying the lives of others. About a half hour had passed after Thanos left, and Stephen soon knew what would come next. 

“Mantis is the first to go…” He thought to himself. 

“Something's happening.” She cried. And then she was gone. Everyone looked on in disbelief, trying to make sense of what just occurred.

“...then Drax…”

“Quill….?”

“... then Quill…” 

“Steady Quill!” Tony said, hoping to somehow save him. The outlaw only frowned in reply.

“Oh man…” 

“... and then me.” Stephen wished he could save Tony from what was about to happen next. He would have to witness the closest person he could call a son die in his arms, begging for forgiveness. And then… 

“Tony.” Stephen called out, his voice somber. It was the first time he had said his first name aloud. It was a shame that it would also be the last. Tony turned around and looked at Stephen, terror and fear clouding his features. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. 

“There was no other way.” 

But in his mind he meant, “Please forgive me.” 

And then he was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Part two is coming soon! Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome!


End file.
